Alfred
by KaijinKyn
Summary: When Matthew, Arthur's cousin, dumps two unwanted pets from the shelter into Arthur's care he thinks it an easy, if somewhat irritating task. However, when one cat and one dog turns out to be two very human men, Arthur finds himself struggling to care for both them and himself, all the while forced to realize his grip on reality might be a little...Off.


**First things first: This is a fanfiction based off of the comics created by ExcusivelyforHetalia over on Tumblr. This idea isn't mine. Nothing except the writing belongs to me, and even then some of the plot of later chapters will be based off of the comics. I literally claim no ownership to any of this.**

 **Hetalia isn't mine, either.**

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Arthur Kirkland was a man of many things. He was the editor of the local newspaper. He was the next in line to most of the Kirkland heir when his father died. He even considered himself quite the cook.

What Arthur Kirkland was not, however, was a pet lover.

"I really think this will help, Arthur." Arthur sighed, covering his face with one hand before separating his fingers to give his cousin a dark look. This was _not_ what he needed right now.

"Matthew, I appreciate the fact you are trying to...'Help' me, but I do not have the time or patience for animals." Matthew made a noise in the back of his throat, giving the elder man a hopeful look that Arthur tried to ignore.

"Please, Arthur! If these two don't get adopted soon, the shelter...I don't want to think about it. And, you seem so lonely by yourself! You need the company." Arthur sighed, dropping his hand in favour of flat-out glaring at the blond in front of him.

"What do you know about what I bloody need?" He snapped, irritated. Although it really wasn't like Matthew to just drop in out of the blue like this - maybe he really did need the help. So he sighed and relented, stepping out of the way to let the other man in. "Bring them in, then."

"Oh? Ah, thank you Arthur!" Matthew exclaimed, obviously overjoyed at his apparent change in attitude. Arthur sniffed, not pleased about this in the slightest. Really, animals...What was he thinking?

So Matthew ran back out to his van, Arthur watching in mild confusion as the doors opened and two very human-like creatures jumped out of the vehicle.

"Mon dieu! Why did you leave me inside there with him of all people?!

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean?"

"Down, Alfred! Leave Francis alone!" Matthew trotted back up to the house tailed by two men who were looking very close to killing each other. "Arthur, this is Francis and Alfred." Arthur stared at the two for a long moment before switching his incredulous gaze onto his cousin. Well, now, Matthew! Arthur hadn't known his cousin was such a prankster.

"...Hah, yes, very funny, Matthew." Matthew hesitated, a confused look on his face as one of the men - Francis? - _leapt_ onto the other and tried to pull out his hair.

"I'm not joking." Arthur furrowed his eyebrows, mouth struggling between a smile and a frown. "Francis, no! Get off Alfred!" Matthew had turned around and pried Francis off Alfred only to sort of lob him in Arthur's direction. "Have fun, Arthur!" And in very un-Matthew like behaviour ran towards his van and left Arthur alone with two men dressed up as a cat and a dog, respectively.

Francis did not pick himself up off of Arthur and instead seemed to lean against him more, a lewd grin on his face. "Bonjour." He purred. Arthur was silent, staring at Francis first and then at Alfred, who sat crouched in front of him like - an actual dog.

"Are you our new owner? That's really cool! I like people, especially people who like me! Hey, what will we have for dinner? I want steak! Can I have steak?" Alfred blabbered, moving in between Arthur and Francis' legs to get inside Arthur's house. Francis was quick to follow Alfred, disappearing into the living room and making himself comfortable on Arthur's couch.

"It smells like dead things in this house." The blond claimed, looking around the room in a seemingly bored fashion. "Your sense of décor is also in need of help. Arthur hesitated before closing his front door, staring in confusion first at Francis then looking towards the stairs where Alfred was sniffing at his shoes.

"What...Who the bloody hell are you people?!" Francis turned his head lazily towards Arthur after his outburst, Alfred ignoring him completely.

"What do you mean? I am Francis and that idiot over there is Alfred. Didn't Matthieu tell you this?" Arthur's face contorted into a mix of anger and complete bafflement.

"What- Yes- That isn't the point! He told me I was taking care of a cat and a dog, not two freaks!" Francis made a face in return to Arthur's accusation.

"Excuse-toi. I am a cat, thank you very much. A very beautiful feline, if I may say so myself." Arthur made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat as there was the sound of a crash from his kitchen.

"Oops! My bad, man!" Alfred's voice floated into the living room before his head poked out from around the doorway, an apologetic look in his face. "Hey, how do you feel about eating off the floor for a while?"

Arthur reached up, pulled out a chunk of dirty blond hair from his head and wondered why, exactly, these things always happened to him.


End file.
